10 posts from 2008

My last blog was a little disinheriting.  I lost my Mika.  I keep saying to myself that she is now running around with her sister and two uncles, but this weekend I lost it.  I guess I never had the chance to process it.  I kept myself busy as much as possible.  I went to work the next day and dove in and focused, and the weekend I stayed as busy as possible.  Kim processed last weekend.  I knew she needed her alone time but I guess I wasn't ready.  This weekend she is at work, so I am by myself.  I woke up yesterday and looked over at her night stand and her box is there.  I didn't even realize that Kim went and picked up her ashes.  As soon as I saw it, I lost it.  Tears filled my eyes, and all I could remember was the weeks after picking her up from the cattery 14 years ago.

Mika was so beautiful when we picked her up at 10 weeks.  She was so tiny I put her in my shirt pocket.  She would find me every night and fall asleep on my chest.  After a week when she didn't seem to grow, we took her to the vet and found she was harboring two parasites.  We nursed her back to health and she started growing like a weed.  Unfortunately, she was traumatized by us giving her medicine so she never did sleep on my chest again.  She became this skittish cat that would only be petted when she wanted comforting.  She did get better as the years went on, but she remained tightly wound until she knew you.  She loved her sister Mali though.  Any chance, she got she would curl up next to her.  Mali would tolerate it for a while, but then she would usually take off.  Mali was the alpha and knew it.

A few weeks ago, Mali started losing weight.  She didn't act any differently other than staying in her box a little longer than usual.  We did  see her eat, but I noticed when she would come on the bed for her nightly TLC I could feel her ribs.  That was how we diagnosed Mali with cancer, so I of course was frightened.  Kim took her to the vet and we found out she lost a tooth and had the roots just hanging out in her mouth.  They became infected, and the vet put her on antibiotics prior to surgery.  It went just as expected.  The medication extinguished the infection and the surgery capped the hole in her mouth.  She began to eat like a horse and she took her medicine without any issues.  She even started playing with her little brother.

On Wednesday, August 13 she went to the beauty parlor, the groomer, and according to Doug, her stylist, she did not act any different than usual.  Just to give some background, Doug is the only known person I know that was able to pick her up without her crying for help.  She really loved him and he was fond of her.  On this day, everything was going well, so we thought.  This groomer was highly investigated prior to us using them.  We do that with vets, and groomers.  (This should be no surprise since we do not have children.  Our cats are our children.)  The pets are individually checked on every 10-15 minutes.  I guess Doug went to check on Mika and she was flopped over on her side.  She usually does not do this at the groomer so he was a little concerned so he opened up the cage and she wasn't breathing.  He picked her up and ran her over to the animal hospital a couple of blocks away.  Another associate immediately called Kim and told her and of course she dropped everything and high-tailed it over to the animal hospital, and actually got stopped by a cop on the way.  (No ticket, the cop understood.)

At the animal hospital they intubated her and brought her back.  She looked to be fine, and then she coded again.  Kim called me and I also sped to the animal hospital as well from Brandon.  They brought her back a second time, but she was brain dead.  Kim wanted me to be able to say goodbye, but when she coded the third and last time, she told them to let her go.  I didn't make it.  I got there in record time, but when I rushed into the room she was covered in a towel.  Kim was holding her and petting her.  She was gone.  I completely lost it.  She was getting better and then suddenly she was gone.  I didn't know what to do, I just picked her lifeless body up from the table and held her.

 She was my Mika, the one who would only get her TLC if I was on the bed.  The one who cried at the door of our condo in DC when I was left for training, or when I got sent here.  She slept in my shoes when I wasn't around.  I am just as lost as last April when Mali's light was extinguished.  My heart hurts, my appetite is next to nothing and the only thing that brings me out of it is work.

Anyway, so that's the story.  I am not sure any of you actually wanted to read about it, but of course I do not do this for other people.  Well not most of the time.

Love, Life, Peace and Success!!

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy." - Eskimo Proverb

I can't believe she's gone.

I will miss you. 
I know you are now with your sister and that is a good thing.
I love you.

Once upon a time...isn't that how all fairy tales should start?  Well, I was witness to one of the most beautiful and heart warming fairy tales this past weekend.  I was honored with the privilege to stand up at my cousin's wedding.

Now by standing up, it usually means a best man or one of the groomsmen right?  Well, my cousin being the unique member of the family he is, decided that all seven of the groomsmen had the official title of Best Man or Best Men as it were.  I asked him how he came up with that idea, he told me that everyone of the guys were very important in his life at one point or another.  He couldn't decide.  However, as the one and only family member actually standing up I was put in the position in the ceremony as best man, but we all new that was the only reason.

The wedding weekend had three events, the rehearsal dinner, the actual wedding and Sunday Morning Brunch.  The rehearsal dinner was more of a roasting.  The poor bride got roasted something awful but her friends and family, but she also got a lot of praise.  We started with a quick rehearsal and then got down to business.   I also was privileged to be the MC of the affair which was a pure blast.  I called up the speakers, roasted my cousin a little, told some off the wall jokes while awaiting technical difficulties with a DVD presentation and just plain had a great time.  The food was amazing and everyone was smiling and laughing.  It was held at a place called Pinstripes in Northbrook, Illinois and it had Bocce ball.  Don't ask me what Bocce ball is, we were having too much fun to even think about it.  Basically I found that my Aunt and Uncle know how to pull off a great party.

The next day was the wedding and when I look back at the experience all I can say is WOW!!  As one of the 'Best Men', I arrived a couple hours early for pictures.  (Yes, in a Jewish Wedding, it does not matter that the bride and groom see each other prior.)  The crew at Chicago Botanic Gardens were putting the Chupa together and the bride, Lisa, looked incredible and Eric, the groom, looked as happy as I have ever seen him.  Smiles from ear to ear.  They started taking pictures and a thunderstorm came in and rocked the tent.  The crew had to move all the chairs and the chupa with lightning speed and I saw the wedding planner turn white with worry.  I tried to calm her down by telling her it was actually a good thing that it was raining.  It was luck for the marriage.  Yeah, it didn't help.  It cleared up for a while and we took some amazing shots around the gardens against backdrops of water and different types of foliage.  The two photographers were a lot of fun.  Still, thunderstorms kept passing through and between that and all of the different pictures this was the only time I saw Lisa get a little frazzled, but when it was over and we all went inside for the signing of the Ketubah she was all smiles again.

The Ketubah signing was wonderful with the Rabbi all smiles and educating us on the history of the Jewish marriage contract.  The Bride and Groom sign, of course, the parents and two witnesses.  Then it is framed and put on an asile under the chupa for the ceremony. 

When it was time to line up for the ceremony, we noticed, the wind died down, the sun came out and scene for the wedding was, well....perfect.  The guests were seated on cushioned chairs, the flowers on the chupa were highlighted in sunlight and everyone just looked radiant.  We all walked out so proud and ecstatic Eric and Lisa were joining together that the smiles were involuntary.

Six of the guys were out side of the chupa on stage right and I was underneath along with my aunt and uncle.  Lisa's sisters were underneath stage left with her parents and the other five women just outside the chupa.  Obviously, the Rabbi was center underneath upstage of the alter (table with candles and stuff), and the Bride and Groom were underneath downstage the alter.  The Rabbi did the normal prayers we here at most weddings but he really did a nice job when he went into his speech about what marriage was like and how it should effect the couple.  He used analogies that were personalized to Eric and Lisa.  Eric and Lisa both do marathons and triathlons and travel.  Lisa loves Dancing with the Stars and the Rabbi effectively used all of it., so much that she had a hard time not giggling, but it was very cute.

After the ceremony was complete, we had cocktail hour in one of the gardens which was great.  The bride and groom came out and walked around which took the place of the receiving line.  That....was a great idea.  The wait staff came around with amazing Hors d'ourvers like scallops, crab cakes, sushi, and mini cheeseburgers.  Usually, wedding appetizers are real crap but I swear these were delicious or maybe they were better because there were three full bars around the garden with all the good liquor and wine.   They had Grey Goose, so that's all I needed.

When we finally went back to the tent the tables and the band were setup.  The tables were square which was perfect, and the plates were those beautiful Japanese style square plates.  The food was amazing, prime rib and a blackened salmon with an a gratin potatoes and steamed squash.  It was delicious.  The cake, actually...it wasn’t a wedding cake but a tree of cupcakes from their favorite bakery.  What an awesome idea.  Different kinds too, like banana chocolate chip, chocolate, vanilla, carrot, and a few other frosting and cake mixes.  The whole thing was set-up so the bride and groom could actually enjoy themselves.  We danced a few numbers between each course and after the parents made speeches and the bride and groom said a few words, it turned into just a huge party.  The ten piece band was amazing and we just rocked out.  After a little while of dancing and sweating Kim and I took a little stroll by the water and just listened and out of the corner of my eye I saw the wait staff carrying trays again.  I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it.  They had this miniature ice cream cones with waffle cones and they were good.  I never saw that before and then I was trumped again.  They came around with flutes of milk and warm chocolate chip cookies.  Have you ever even heard of that?

So, as you can tell, it was amazing and it was a fairy tale.  On our way home, it thunder stormed again.  Yeah, that is right...it stopped raining long enough for the wedding and it started as we all were departing.  I think the wedding was made to happen.  Something or someone bigger than all of had this wedding in mind.

The brunch was very sweet.  Grandma Phyllis did a wonderful job and everyone came.  It just was an amazing weekend.

The next episode I hope to put up some photos of the first couple of photo shoots I have done.

Till then.....Love, Life, Happiness and Success!!!

"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom." - Albert Einstein

I was honored to be in the chorus of "Los Gavilanos" at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center last night.  I witnessed an amazing ensemble of talent brought together for one performance of an art form that, for all things considered, is dead here in America.  It is labeled a Zarzuela and I can only define it as a Spanish Opera. 

What I do love about it is that it is very positive.  No one ever dies, and it always has a happy ending.  While it might be trite, simple and might seem to be irrelevant, the music and lyrics are amazing.  The company brought in the two leads, Raphael and Ilyia who had voices that made me cringe with envy.  They both have traveled the world singing and have CDs and live a very good life doing what they life.

Of course there were other incredible talents as well, Noemi as the ingénue, Anna and my partner Rosemary as the sisters, Tara as the friend, Renee, Roberto, and of course the spectacular Jorge as the town leaders.  These were all extremely memorable performances.  Noemi has a voice that will move your heart in ways that could never be understood. 

The most interesting story comes from the Tenor of this story.  A contract went out a year ago for this performance to a professional out of Mexico; Leonardo.  Well, when he showed up he was a little unprepared which due to the extremely condensed rehearsal process really unnerved some of us.  Three days before the performance the producers of the show decided to replace him with a Humberto which we were hoping was going to happen because you haven't heard a tenor until you have heard Humberto sing.  He took this role he learned in three days and turned it into the most spectacular display of emotion and music of I have witnessed from back stage.  Humberto literally brought tears to my eyes during a scene when he is pleading with Noemi to elope and run away with him to escape her being sold to a loveless marriage.  It was an experience and a half for me.  I was in the chorus, a narrator and a featured dancer but still very minor, and it was totally worth it.

Prior to this performance I was honored to be a part of a cabaret at Maestro's also at TBPAC.  It was basically a fundraiser and a replacement show for Gigi which could not be done because it became too expensive for the company.  So they did an afternoon lunch for their season ticket holders.  They called it "April in Paris" and it was a set of songs with French origination.  A couple of numbers in French and Spanish but the rest were in English from Les Miz and Phantom and of course Gigi.  It was fun, but unfortunately I was the weak link in the ensemble. 

I don't know what it is.  I can jump out of a plane, be stuck in a war zone, lead a team of people through an extremely difficult project, be completely naked on stage, but for some reason I can not gain any confidence in singing solo in front of  an audience.  When I sing at home, I swear to you, it sounds good and sometimes really good.  I just have this inferiority complex about my singing and I cannot seem to get rid of it.  I know if I can just relax it would sound just as good as anyone in that ensemble, with the exception of Humberto, and well, Jill.  I am not exaggerating I swear.  I know how I gained confidence in my acting, I did a lot of it.  Unfortunately, you have to be good to be in a musical or a cabaret but to get good I have to perform more and be prepared to fail.  Who is going to hire someone that needs the experience?  And Karaoke…forget about it.  I could sing with a piano no problem, but tracks on a karaoke machine throw me.  Does anyone have any ideas?

I think that should do it for this episode.  Remember to tell your friends and love ones that you love them.  It will mean a lot to them and you, because life is short.  Don't let the obstacles of life stop you from what you want to do.

Love, Life, Happiness and Success!!

-Brad

“Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.” - Stephen Covey

I woke up pretty excited today. The plan was to hang out at the Outback Pro-am and be outside and hang out with some friends.  I was finishing some emails and playing with Mogwai, who turned 1 today, when I got a phone call from my friend Carl.  After a bit of yammering and catching up he then dropped the bomb that changed something internally.

Basically, a brother of good friend that we have in common, lost his wife on Tuesday.  When the news spilled out of the phone into my ear I literally lost my footing and hit the ground.  Talk about a shock.  Then the aftershock.  This didn't happen because of an auto accident, or an illness that could possibly of been forecasted.  She literally sat in a chair, had a heart attack and died.  Twenty-nine years old with no history or family history of heart problems.  Nothing to indicate that this could happen.  My friend was at his parents’ house and couldn't seem to contact her, and of course just thought she was busy, but when five o'clock rolled around with no phone call and no email, he headed home.  He contacted his neighbor who had to jump a fence and break into the house, called 911 but it was too late.

Three thoughts came across my mind.  1) How is he and what is his state of mind? 2) Where is he and who is with him? and 3) I am glad I am not him.  I felt guilty about the third thought and that it came so quickly.  I was assured it was normal, but it really didn't make me feel better.  I cannot even fathom what he is going through.  After a couple of texts and voicemails to his brother, my friend, I was told the story and where everyone was.  So, we showered and left.

Three hours later we walked into a crowded house in Vero Beach where the mood was light, but somber.  I saw my friend who I haven't seen since he and his wife and son left for Chicago.  Carl and family and the rest of this clan, but no sign of my friends brother.  Later on he walked in and I hugged him.  I gave him every last bit of healing energy I could.  "If I could take your pain away", I thought, "I would."  We hung out and just enjoyed the company.  I felt good he had so many people around that cared for him and wife so much.  I just don't feel good for him next week, when everyone goes back to work and he has to spend so much time with nothing but his thoughts.

It really made me think though.  It is so important to tell the people we love how much we care for them, and how much they mean to us.  All of them, from you significant other, all the way to the person you work with that you tend to connect with.  Then, it's time to get affairs in order.  Who would it affect if you died tomorrow?  How would your bills get paid?  Who would end up being responsible for them?  Is there someone you wish to take care of in the event of your death?  How do you want your body dispositioned?  Do you want to donate organs?  What if you were determined to be in a coma and the outcome is bleak that you will ever come out?  Do you want the expenses to pile up on your loved ones or do you wish to be terminated?  All these things sound morbid, but they are very important. 

My family has a lot of longevity.  I have blood relatives who are over 90 and still golf eighteen holes three to four times a week.  My family has buried more centurions than I can count.  This being the case I always thought I had time, to figure a lot of things out.  Mary dying the way she did, shows me there are a lot of friends I need to talk to and a lot of affairs I need to get in order.  Wow...I am just still in shock.

Mogwai turned one year old today.  Tomorrow is the first anniversary of Jamali's death.  Today I mourned with my friends for a family member.  Tomorrow I sing at TBPAC.  If that isn't the epitome of an emotional roller coaster I don't know what is.

Do me a favor, please?  Hug your significant other.  Tell your parents you love them.  Mention how much your friends mean to you.  You never know if you will ever get the chance again.  Life is too short.

LOVE, LIFE, HAPPINESS & SUCCESS!!

-Brad

Five AM came pretty quick this morning, but to no avail I did get up, and put the DVD in the player and started my workout.  Imagine my shock when the timer on the TV started counting back from 1 hour and 32 minutes.  Of course I said, ok a lot of slow moving stretching so it just will be a bit little longer.    YEAH!! RIGHT!!  Let’s call it slow moving, stretching, balancing, strength conditioning torture.  I think this was the hardest workout of them all.

I knew I was out of shape, hence the reason to start the program in the first place, but this kicked my ever-loving ass.  Mentally, I felt like I was about an inch tall, but to be honest, physically I felt pretty good.  Limber, energized, centered.  There is something to say for this Yoga thing.  I have been through yoga classes before and they were hard, but they were a half hour long.  This was a pure 90 minutes of totally engaged muscles.  It is going to be a while before I can say that I enjoy it, but somewhere down the line, of course saying that I do not give up, I think I might like it. 

I was a dancer for quite a while, so I am used to getting razzed for taking part in something that can be perceived as demasculating.  Well, there is no way for that perception to appear for this "Yoga X" program.  If it does, then you haven't tried it.  From the warm-up to the cool down I was sweating, and my heart rate was up and I didn’t move from a 4 foot radius.

Other than that, I am still pushing along on day 5.  The diet thing is a little tougher than I remember.  Not that it is tough to eat, just as often as I like.  I just dive in to work so intensely I actually forget to eat.  I ended up, putting reminders on my calendar at work so a window pups up every 2-3 hours and says "EAT!!:.  Isn't that funny?  Next thing you know I am going to be doing the same thing to remind myself to go to the restroom.

Did anyone watch the series of "The Biggest Loser"?  This season was amazing.  I mean I have seen some of the episodes in the past and the people on the show really make some great progress, but not memorable.  This season there was this woman, Ali, who got there with her mother and she was about 240 pounds and maybe five foot three.  Well, when she ended the show, she was around 120 pounds and she was cut and absolutely gorgeous.  The whole thing happened in 21 weeks with just diet and exercise.   It was a true testament to eating clean and working out.  I'll never even doubt the basics don't work.  I mean 21 weeks from obese to sculpted.  Incredible!!  There were 5 guys that had almost the same transformation.  Mark, Dan, Jay, Rodger and Justin.  Justin couldn't even get health insurance because he was over 350 lbs at the finale he as around 220 and ripped up.  I just think if there are people that let themselves go, but realized it and decided to make the change, that anyone can make a change for anything in their life no matter their age, sex and race.  We really do create our own destiny.

Rehearsals are going well, we have one more tonight and the benefit is on Sunday, then I continue on with Los Galinos which only rehearses a couple times a week.  If there is anything else out there that anyone is auditioning for, please let me know.  I am dying to get jump into an actual character.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Life, Health, Happiness & Success

-Brad

The blogs are going to get more frequent I hope.  Just to catch you up.  We went to Andy and Jesse's wedding last weekend.  It was a blast.  We shared a room with Craig and Erin which was a first.  We got a long great, we ate well, and saw an amazing ceremony.  It even took me back to Fiddler since Jesse did circles around Andy.  Of course she claimed it would get her too dizzy so Andrew split the seven circles with her.  Yeah it was quite entertaining.  They both got up and sang at the reception and we all know what a wonderful singer Andy is but who knew that Jesse had a pair of pipes as well.  She was great!!!  So bar a few transportation problems the wedding weekend was really nice.

Work has been extremely busy and challenging of which I am still really having a good time.

I am back in rehearsal for a couple of concerts.  I am singing a couple of solos for a benefit at TBPAC and singing in a the chorus for a Spanish Opera called Los Giliantos.  I am putting my phonetic skills to the test.

Now the big challenge:  everyone knows I have problems following through on things I do myself.  If other people are involved or its work related this problem is non-existent, but when it comes to me, I let myself down more often than not.  So, I am challenging myself for 90 days.  I started a home workout program called P90X and it is just as tough as any workout I did in the military.  I am just working so much right now that I am not getting in any exercise so I started yesterday with the first workout about noon, and this morning was the second at 5.  This is when I start thinking about quitting because I am so sore.  If I can just get through the next two weeks I will not be as sore after each workout and the dizziness and nausea will subside.  So I figure if I let you all know what I am doing, then maybe Ill trick myself into thinking I need to follow up because I am staying accountable to you.

I just feel old right now.  I go to work, I come home, or maybe rehearsal I go to bed.  That's my life and on the weekends, I watch movies and do household crap.  I am tired of it.  I want to start living again.  So, here is where I start.  Maybe it will work maybe it won’t.

SO TODAY:
Plyometrics - its basically a lot lateral jumping and a lot of squats and lunges mixed in.  VERY TOUGH.  I made it all the way through except for the last set where I was starting to feel dizzy and sick.  So I stopped.  No problems next week Ill do the whole hour. 

Yesterday - Chest, Back and Abs.  Made it through all of the chest and back, but really felt sick about 3/4s the way through abs.  Just the first couple of days.  Next week I wont have that excuse.

Ok, so have a wonderful day and week everyone.

LOVE, HEALTH, HAPPINESS and SUCCESS!!!

-Brad

When was the last time you can remember actually being excited about going to work?  Can you remember?  Has it ever happened that you wake up prior to the alarm going off wondering if you were going to be TOO EARLY?  I have to tell you that for the last four weeks, I have been in awe of the motivation and pure focus that has engulfed me.

I started this position with an open mind, but I have to be honest it was a little bit of a salary cut, so I considered using it as a stumbling block.  That, ladies and gentlemen, has completely been washed by the pure excitement I have for this position.  Are there stressful days, long hours and situations I would rather not be in?  Of course, but it's challenging and the people I work with are amazing. 

Let me give you some background.  First of all, I have the title of Program Manager of the client facing team for the Infrastructure Consolidation Program at JP Morgan Chase.  I know, I know the first thing your probably wondering is, what the hell does that mean?  In simple terms, I manage a staff of four team leads who each have a team of eight project managers.  We have the responsibility of migrating over eight hundred clients from older, legacy platforms to upgraded and more secure systems.  I not only have the responsibility to make sure that all of our resources are taken care of but I only interface with technology, product and sales teams in order to move the clients within a specific time frame.  Basically, all of the clients are my responsibilty to be transitioned over the course of the project.  It is a huge challange and with also helping to lead the technology team to create a tracking tool that specifially meets the need of the program the challanges just keep getting more plentiful.  And you know....I am happier than I have been in a long time at work.  It's not that I haven't enjoyed my other projects, but it has been a really long time since I have been this happy at work.

So, it finally answers the question, can a huge paycheck make you happy?  Is financial security worth being miserable 10-12 hours a day, no matter how long the project is?  Sure, I am not making the amount I was making in New York, but I am happy and it's worth it. 

There is only one more thing that would make the way my life is more complete.  To be back on stage again.  To go from being excited at work to a rehearsal and acting again, well that would be....hmmm....I don't know if I can put that into words.  Maybe I can....I would say it can be defined as.....ORGASMIC!!!!

Love, life, peace and success!!!

-Brad

"Ambition is the germ from which all growth of nobleness proceeds." - Oscar Wilde

Things have been kind of quiet on the "Brad Front" lately.  Unfortunately, it gives me time to ponder, and that, my friends, is never good.  With the new presidential election on the home front, the war still taking place and all of the constant negativity in the media, I cannot help to think how good we really have it.  I mean as Americans, we really have a pretty good deal.

This thought process actually started after seeing a little movie titled, "Rambo".  I know, I know a good number of you reading this are enjoying a good laugh right now.  The movie was riddled with violence, blood and gore, but it was realistic.  Granted, I have been one of the few (well, one of the 80 or 90 million) audience members that enjoy his characters once in a while, but this one was directed brilliantly in my opinion.  Stallone wanted to make a statement with this movie, but understood in order to do that he also needed to stay within the confines of the franchise, so of course John Rambo wins in the end.  (If you haven't seen it I apologize, but I am sure it doesn't come as a shock.)  The movie opens with real footage from Burma where barbarians calling themselves the military, rape and murder their own for sport.  This goes on today.  Right now as you are reading this there could possibly be a village being burned to the ground and women and children with it.  The whole thing erupted emotions of anger, sadness, and helplessness.  Then I think about our lives as Americans and how everywhere I look people are complaining about our life here.  Even worse, I am one of them.

What is so bad?  A country where 70 percent of the families own homes, 95.4 percent are employed.  A place where if your house starts to burn a group of government workers show up and do everything in their power to salvage everything possible.  We live in a place where it is against the law for a hospital not to treat you, even if you cannot pay for it.  In Tampa, I cannot go for 3 miles where there is not a grocery store that I do not see in one isle enough food to feed a third-world village.  The idea, that anyone in this country can express their opinion in public and not get arrested.  These things happen in other countries, I have seen it. 

The media is starting to really piss me off.  There is a lot of good going on in this world and especially here in America and it's not acknowledged.  For every positive story in the newspaper, news website or network news program, there seems to be 15 to 20 negative ones.  Why is that?  Blood and chaos sells.  We like it, we live for it.  Why do people slow down and rubberneck when there is a horrible car crash?  I wonder all the time. Why does anyone want to fill their head with a picture of death?   I cannot figure it out.  When I was younger, I was naive to think people looked over at an accident to see if there was anything they could possibly do to help.  What a wakeup call I had when I moved to DC and accidents were more frequent and wondered what the hell everyone was looking at.  Just curious?  If there is an accident what the hell is everyone trying to see?  The media uses that "chaos curiosity" to sell their product. Look at the ads for the candidates, listen to their speeches are they really focusing on the issues?  You know why they aren't?  Because they are too busy trying to tear each other down.  What is worse, the media is not striving to dig up the positive pieces that each candidate has done, but instead spends countless hours digging up the dirt of the past.  Is just seems ass backwards to me.  Wouldn't it be an interesting election if America was wondering which one of the candidates have done and/or will do the most good instead of which candidate is the lesser evil?

I know I am really ranting, but I am lucky.  I live in a country where I can sit in my house, pay for the internet with a job I have, use the electricity that is directly connected to my home, to power the computer I own and write opinions to rant however and whatever I please.

LOVE, PEACE, HAPPINESS & SUCCESS!!!!

-Brad

Interesting experiences have been intruding on my life for the past 6 weeks and it is obvious I have not blogged or have had the ability to mention it to a lot of people.  I think I bottled it up because I really didn't think it could happen and in a way I am still trying to process everything that has happened. So, here is my attempt to look at it from another viewpoint and in the process put it out there.  I perceive that sometimes if I do not write it, then maybe it isn't real.  So here goes.

In our last episode, (why not start with comic relief), I broadcasted I got a new job in New Jersey right near the city and it was supposedly the best thing that could have happened.  Well, I was so excited about the company making good decisions quick and the did.  When I walked in the door the first day, I was handed a laptop, a badge, and all the accesses I needed.  I thought to myself, "this is incredible; I usually have to wait up to two weeks to get everything I needed".  So my perceptions were correct, this was a company that had it's act together.  Within the next week, I had a project that needed to be started and I had the resources to get the initial project charter off the ground.  I thought things were wonderful, except for the fact that this was more of a swing shift company.  I would walk in to the office around 8:30 every morning and the lights were still off.  Most of the workers did not walk in until 10am, but they would work until 8pm regularly.  This was the downfall.  I knew as long as I held this position I would not be performing.  I accepted it and thought, "ok I'll do this for a year and get everything paid for and squared away and just look for something else, of which would allow me to perform.  The coming weeks were not fun, the environment was productive but cramped.  The glass conference room I was interviewed in was the reception mirage, but the rest of the working spaces were like sardine cans.  This company was very big on meetings face to face, but for 350 employees they had 5 conference rooms so it was very hard to hold meetings.  I improvised by using lobbies, and restaurants and the hotel next door.  Things were going really well..

I rented a condo in Hackensack, that had never been lived in.  So, new appliances, new house smell, plenty of windows and it measured around 1600 square feet which is pretty much the size of my house in Tampa.  I was really excited.   I rented furniture and got hooked up with Verizon Fios and even had the ability to work from home occasionally.

Right before Christmas, I was able to get my project charter approved and I was finishing the risk assessments and preparing to assign resources when I was introduced to the resource manager for the east coast region.  Nice guy, Sergio was his name.  He pulled me into a conference room and right after a little chit-chat he then went on to tell me the company made a decision that for the new calendar year they needed to alleviate some capital so they were downsizing 10% of all the consultants across the globe which would free up close to 10 billion dollars.  Well, I was last in so I would be first out.  The first thing that came into my head and out my mouth was, "Hey, do you realize that they hired me knowing I was making a huge move from Tampa?  That I just invested 15 thousand dollars on the move?"  He said he was sorry, that this was the first time he had to do this and he would have to do it 35 more times before the end of the following week.  I really was flabbergasted.  I didn't know how to react.  I was torn between relief and despair.  I really wasn't crazy about the environment and I couldn't perform no matter what, but this was my break, a chance to get out of debt and put some money away.  Then there was the fact there were going to be 35 more people that were going to experience this exact situation.

So, I headed home to Tampa, and I just couldn't tell anyone.  I was ashamed.  I shouldn't have been, it was my fault but I felt like I made it the city and then failed, AGAIN!!  I went about everyday looking for new opportunities, but letting everyone believe I was working from home.  I didn't even tell my Dad until after the holidays. 

Good news was, I was able to perform on the tour of Best Little Whorehouse in Texas with Spanish Lyric Theater and while I thought the show was less than perfect I still enjoyed being on stage, dancing and singing.  It really was a blast to do.  We were in Miami, Kings court, and Ocala and witht the exception of Miami, all of the audiences were really appreciative.  Standing Ovations followed every show(again with the exceptions of Miami).  So, it was a lot of fun.

I also. started skydiving again.  I completed the first round of 8 in the Advanced Freefall course.  I took my first dive, without a tandem on my back, but with instructors on both sides.  They let go when I pulled the cord to open the parachute and I had to pilot it back down to the Drop Zone.  I cannot possibly explain the euphoria that hits when you jump out of a perfectly good airplane.  It is a rush beyond all rushes.  During AFF, which is 7 jumps, there are specific requirements that have to be accomplished.  I can only imagine what it is like to jump out on my own and just relax and enjoy the ride.  I will continue through all 25 jumps and get my license.  Unfortunately, I have not been back up yet.  I hope to really soon, but with the tour and finding a job and not to mention, I hit a little hard on my first landing, because I didn't listen to the radio my instructor was guiding me with, so I twisted something.  I hope to get back up there this weekend or the following weekend.

Speaking of looking for a job, this is what is killing me.  I actually started working for JP Morgan Chase on Thursday as a program manager.  This is a step up in career progression, but since it is here in Tampa, it does not make nearly the money I was making in NYC.  Well, I am also waiting on an offer from Ernst & Young and if that happens I will be back up in NYC.  Just in case I needed to take this job here.  Problem is, I like it.  Yes the project ends in October, but there are so many avenues after that can be followed within Chase that it is hard to think about leaving.  Plus, I hate leaving so quickly after taking the job.  Ernst and Young are offering more than double and it help, but who is to say what happened at NYK wouldn't happen at E & Y?  So, I am torn.  I determined to wait until I have a written offer from E & Y before I even think about it.  It is just easier said than done.

Other than that, things are status quo.  The cats are great, Kim is doing well.  She hates her job, but I think we took care of that today in a discussion over breakfast.  Now the only thing is to make this decision, if there is one to be made, and move on to a performing project if I can find one.

I will put a video of my AFF jump up sometime soon.

Love, Life, Happiness and Success!!!!

"You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action.” - Anthony Robbins