Posts (page 2)

Interesting experiences have been intruding on my life for the past 6 weeks and it is obvious I have not blogged or have had the ability to mention it to a lot of people.  I think I bottled it up because I really didn't think it could happen and in a way I am still trying to process everything that has happened. So, here is my attempt to look at it from another viewpoint and in the process put it out there.  I perceive that sometimes if I do not write it, then maybe it isn't real.  So here goes.

In our last episode, (why not start with comic relief), I broadcasted I got a new job in New Jersey right near the city and it was supposedly the best thing that could have happened.  Well, I was so excited about the company making good decisions quick and the did.  When I walked in the door the first day, I was handed a laptop, a badge, and all the accesses I needed.  I thought to myself, "this is incredible; I usually have to wait up to two weeks to get everything I needed".  So my perceptions were correct, this was a company that had it's act together.  Within the next week, I had a project that needed to be started and I had the resources to get the initial project charter off the ground.  I thought things were wonderful, except for the fact that this was more of a swing shift company.  I would walk in to the office around 8:30 every morning and the lights were still off.  Most of the workers did not walk in until 10am, but they would work until 8pm regularly.  This was the downfall.  I knew as long as I held this position I would not be performing.  I accepted it and thought, "ok I'll do this for a year and get everything paid for and squared away and just look for something else, of which would allow me to perform.  The coming weeks were not fun, the environment was productive but cramped.  The glass conference room I was interviewed in was the reception mirage, but the rest of the working spaces were like sardine cans.  This company was very big on meetings face to face, but for 350 employees they had 5 conference rooms so it was very hard to hold meetings.  I improvised by using lobbies, and restaurants and the hotel next door.  Things were going really well..

I rented a condo in Hackensack, that had never been lived in.  So, new appliances, new house smell, plenty of windows and it measured around 1600 square feet which is pretty much the size of my house in Tampa.  I was really excited.   I rented furniture and got hooked up with Verizon Fios and even had the ability to work from home occasionally.

Right before Christmas, I was able to get my project charter approved and I was finishing the risk assessments and preparing to assign resources when I was introduced to the resource manager for the east coast region.  Nice guy, Sergio was his name.  He pulled me into a conference room and right after a little chit-chat he then went on to tell me the company made a decision that for the new calendar year they needed to alleviate some capital so they were downsizing 10% of all the consultants across the globe which would free up close to 10 billion dollars.  Well, I was last in so I would be first out.  The first thing that came into my head and out my mouth was, "Hey, do you realize that they hired me knowing I was making a huge move from Tampa?  That I just invested 15 thousand dollars on the move?"  He said he was sorry, that this was the first time he had to do this and he would have to do it 35 more times before the end of the following week.  I really was flabbergasted.  I didn't know how to react.  I was torn between relief and despair.  I really wasn't crazy about the environment and I couldn't perform no matter what, but this was my break, a chance to get out of debt and put some money away.  Then there was the fact there were going to be 35 more people that were going to experience this exact situation.

So, I headed home to Tampa, and I just couldn't tell anyone.  I was ashamed.  I shouldn't have been, it was my fault but I felt like I made it the city and then failed, AGAIN!!  I went about everyday looking for new opportunities, but letting everyone believe I was working from home.  I didn't even tell my Dad until after the holidays. 

Good news was, I was able to perform on the tour of Best Little Whorehouse in Texas with Spanish Lyric Theater and while I thought the show was less than perfect I still enjoyed being on stage, dancing and singing.  It really was a blast to do.  We were in Miami, Kings court, and Ocala and witht the exception of Miami, all of the audiences were really appreciative.  Standing Ovations followed every show(again with the exceptions of Miami).  So, it was a lot of fun.

I also. started skydiving again.  I completed the first round of 8 in the Advanced Freefall course.  I took my first dive, without a tandem on my back, but with instructors on both sides.  They let go when I pulled the cord to open the parachute and I had to pilot it back down to the Drop Zone.  I cannot possibly explain the euphoria that hits when you jump out of a perfectly good airplane.  It is a rush beyond all rushes.  During AFF, which is 7 jumps, there are specific requirements that have to be accomplished.  I can only imagine what it is like to jump out on my own and just relax and enjoy the ride.  I will continue through all 25 jumps and get my license.  Unfortunately, I have not been back up yet.  I hope to really soon, but with the tour and finding a job and not to mention, I hit a little hard on my first landing, because I didn't listen to the radio my instructor was guiding me with, so I twisted something.  I hope to get back up there this weekend or the following weekend.

Speaking of looking for a job, this is what is killing me.  I actually started working for JP Morgan Chase on Thursday as a program manager.  This is a step up in career progression, but since it is here in Tampa, it does not make nearly the money I was making in NYC.  Well, I am also waiting on an offer from Ernst & Young and if that happens I will be back up in NYC.  Just in case I needed to take this job here.  Problem is, I like it.  Yes the project ends in October, but there are so many avenues after that can be followed within Chase that it is hard to think about leaving.  Plus, I hate leaving so quickly after taking the job.  Ernst and Young are offering more than double and it help, but who is to say what happened at NYK wouldn't happen at E & Y?  So, I am torn.  I determined to wait until I have a written offer from E & Y before I even think about it.  It is just easier said than done.

Other than that, things are status quo.  The cats are great, Kim is doing well.  She hates her job, but I think we took care of that today in a discussion over breakfast.  Now the only thing is to make this decision, if there is one to be made, and move on to a performing project if I can find one.

I will put a video of my AFF jump up sometime soon.

Love, Life, Happiness and Success!!!!

"You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action.” - Anthony Robbins

So, I'll start this the same way I told my friend Kelly.  "Who is the last person in the world you thought would move to NYC?"  Yeah, that's right ME!!!!  It happened so quickly I thought I was in a dream. 

If you have been around for the last few months you have heard me complain about my position at work.  Not that my team is bad, or the actual work is horrible, it was just that I am over qualified for what I am doing and I needed to move on.  Not to mention, my supervisor and I are at extreme ends of the universe when it comes to running the project.  I loved my team, they are the most talented and amazing group of people I have ever worked with in the corporate world.  The problem was that I didn't have the ability to run the team in the managerial style I am accustomed.  More on that later.  Needless to say, I resigned last Tuesday after this whirlwind became a reality.

So, due the reasons above I put my resume out on Monster and have been constantly talking to recruiters and telephone interviewing and even being flown up and down the east coast to interview in person.  Well, on Tuesday, the 23rd of October I received a phone call from a recruiter in New Jersey and like I have done a thousand times, I listened as she introduced the project and the company to me.  It sounded very interesting as a lot of them have, so I said "Yes, please submit me."  She said if I was offered the opportunity would I be available to relocate up to New York/New Jersey area.  I said,"Hell yeah, it is only my favorite place in the world."  So began the process.  Three hours later she calls me and asks if I would be available the next day for a phone interview and we set a time.  The phone rang right at 4:30 pm Wednesday, the 24th.  Ken from the company I was interviewing for, proceeded to grill me on my knowledge of Project Management.  There were very few questions about what I have done, it was very intense 35 minute test on my technical knowledge.  At the conclusion I really did not know what to think.

The following morning, at 9am Anna, my recruiter, calls me and asks me how it went and I explained to her that I answered the questions the best I could and that is all I could do.  I felt confident about my answeres but could not tell by the tone of the interviewers voice what he was thinking.  She explained that they thought I was very knowledgeable and it could only come from experience and training AND that they would like me to fly up for a personal interview.  She then continued to tell me that her confidence had risen greatly because only 1 in 15 had passed the first interview.  At this point my heart started to race.  Can this really be happening?  Then she mentioned the pay and even though she couldn't tell, my mouth was on the ground.  I said that would be sufficent and we made arrangements for me to fly to Newark on Monday.

Monday, was stressful, I needed to be at the airport at 5am in order to get on the plane and land in Newark by 10:30 for my noon interview.  I just have to express as a side note, I really hate flights with layovers.  It made a quick flight to Newark and back a 15 hour inconvenience. 

I got to the office building of NYK Logistics and NYK Lines.  This Nippon Yusen Kaisha Logistics company is one of the largest transportation companies in the world. They have more cargo ships than I can count, there own cruise line, and their own airline not to mention several partnerships with major airlines to move goods all over the world.  They have offices all over the world including New Jersey, Seatle, and Tokyo.  Tokyo being the world headquarters. 

Well, I sat in this beautiful glass conference room across the table from seven...yes that's right...seven project managers.  They drilled me, and drilled me....and when they were done drilling me, they drilled me again.  All on project management and how I would handle certain situations.  The end of the interview did not bolster my confidence.  I did, of course, dig into my acting capablilities and at least made them believe I was confident in my answers.  One of the last questions came from the head of the Project Managment Office.  He asked me, "What is your management style?"  My answer went something like this.  I told him that my answer might just make or break the interview but I would not compromise how I managed a project.  If I told him what I thought he wanted to hear, then I if I started and we didn't agree on my specific management style then it wouldn't be good for either me or the company.  I told them that in my world and view, the client was not my number one concern.  My team was my priority.  If my team was taken care of and they knew whatever happened I had their back, then they would be more productive and by default the customer would be ecstatic as well.  If I needed a little more effort or hours then my team, knowing I would do anything for them would in turn have no questions if I asked them for a little extra they would give it...no question.  This was my experience and I never ever had to kill a project or ever came in over budget or behind schedule. 

There was a couple more question and at 1pm they led me out of the building.  I grabbed a cab and I was very leary about the results of the interview.  I booted up my laptop to find Anna's number, called Kim and told her not to worry I didn't think this was going to happen.  At 1:15pm as I am just about to find Anna's number she calls.  I told her I was not confident and I apologized for making her pay for a ticket up to Newark just to have me fail  at impressing the Project Management team.  She said, "Well, that;s funny they just told me they really liked you and they wanted to make sure you were interested before they sent the paperwork to Japan."  I guess they didn't want to expend the effort if I wasn't going to accept the offer.  You can guess my reaction.  I was shocked.  We talked about when I could start and she said she would get back to me the following day.  The rest of the day was good, I had lunch with Sean and then went back to the airport to catch a 430 plane, which was delayed by an hour and then delayed another 45 minutes on the tarmack.  I got to Atlanta just in time to catch my connection but of course that was delayed to.  Another side note...Air Tran....not impressed.  I arrived home around 1045 and crashed.

The next morning, Anna calls and verifies I still am interested in the job and says that NYK is finishing the paperwork to send to Japan and I should have an offer by the end of the day.  I couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth, but all of the sudden, I was asking for more money!!!  I was thinking am I really doing this, am I re-negotiating.  I was asking for another bump for just a few months to take care of relocation since they needed me up there so fast.  Anna told me they would not just do a three month bump, and that if she going in to renegotiate then it would be a total contract increase not just for three months becuase they did not work that way.  We decided mutually to cut the request by 25% and go request it.  I told her this was not a show stopper, but it would help.  Two hours later she comes back and tells me it was accepted and I should have a contract the following day.  I was floored.  They didn't even think twice and just gave me even more money.  After doing some quick calculations, I realized that I would be making over 2.5 times my salary!!! Oh JEEZ!!  How could I say no?  So, I didn't. 
Maybe your thinking, but your not really in NYC your in New Jersey.  Ok, well, let me just tell you that from my office to times square by taxi was less than 20 minutes, and from Penn Station to Newark by train was just about the same.  I am planning on living in Weehawken which is 10 minutes to the office and 10 minutes to mid town, so in my opinion I might as well, be living in the city but it is not as expensive. 

So, I am off to NYC/or NJ whichever you want to call it.  I start working on the 14th of November and I will be back after Thanksgiving most weekends. Probably until the end of February.  I need to do a lot of work on my house so I can turn it into a vacation villa or a snow bird's paradise.  With the real estate market the way it is, I will not be able to sell it.

So that's it.  I am moving to NYC and I am really excited.  I will catch you all up next time on Whorehouse and some of the shows I have seen.  Not to mention, some of the connections I have already made in NYC.

Love, Life, Success and Happiness!!!

Here it is again, almost two months since I publically blogged.  I swear every day I have experiences that I want to share and in my head the words are there and the inkling to share them.  Of course something comes up the words leave and nothing is written.  So, what happens, I am finally bursting at the seems with information overload and I end up writing these 5 page blogs, or I sit down to write and everything I want to share refuses to come back to me.  Well, let's just see if I can get everything I want down this time.

First, let's catch up with Brad and see what he is up to:  Not a lot!  That is the status and to tell you the truth, IT IS KILLING ME!!   I need an performance project so bad.  I can feel the skills leaving me by the day.  I haven't performed since Cabaret and it is the longest break in three years.  That's right....I haven't been out of rehearsal or performance since August of 2004 and now I have been without a project for 6 weeks.  I am dying here friends.  If you know of a project let me know please cuz I really need something.  It must be an addiction.. I never really thought of myself as having an addictive personality, but I am starting to wonder now.  Maybe I am addicted to the theatre,  I guess there could be worse things.

Anyway, the break did give me an opportunity to actually get certified in Project Management.  Remember last time I mentioned going to DC for a class that Northrop Grumman sent me to?  Well, I took the class studied my little ass off and passed the test.  This turned out to be one of the greatest academic achievements of my life.  I never was a good student either in high school nor college.  Pretty mediocre.  This time, with only a four day review class and 3 weeks of passive studying and three days of intensive I actually passed a test that only 38% of the people who take it pass on the first time.  AND I did it ON MY OWN!!  To a lot of you, well probably most of you, this isn't the most groundbreaking achievement, but to me it was huge...HUGE!  So now I am Brad Minus, PMP.  Project Management Professional.  Oh, just to give you how much this means in my corporate life.  I immediately put it on my resume and put it out on Monster and I am literally getting 5-10 opportunities sent to me per day and all with a 50% pay raise.  I am a happy happy person.

Speaking of work, let me tell you the gifts I got after coming into work the day after the test and everyone finding out I passed.  I received massive praise from my team.  The emails that came through were all so heartfelt, my customer even gave me a huge hug with is unlike her, everyone was just wonderful.  Then there was my boss.  He doesn't have his certification and we have different methodologies about handling this project.  He brought me into a conference room, told me congratulations and then removed all responsibility from me.  So, now I am a highly certified, highly educated, highly experienced Administrative Assistant.  Not in title mind you, but in duties.  It took a week or so, but I finally got the point where I just say yes sir, no sir and only do an eight hour day.  Meanwhile, I am being submitted for jobs with a hefty pay raise, my own office, responsibility for my own team and budget and most of them are a lot closer.  Hopefully things will happen here in the next couple of weeks.  I will keep you posted.

Leah and Sammy were in town for a week and I only got to see them for a few minutes, but they both look amazing.  Leah, got to perform her dream role in Joseph which you can catch on You Tube.  She was amazing.  Sammy is now doing a show where he playing both and Elvis Impersonator and a John Denver Impersonator.  I wish I could see it, because I think he is going to be hilarious.  Wendy sent me a pic yesterday and he looks very funny.  I wish them both the best of luck.  I can only imagine after spending a summer performing as much as they did that they couldn't help but get so much better.  Can you imagine doing two equity runs in just the course of a summer?  Heaven, just heaven!!!  I just wish the theatre would compensate them a little more for all the work they are putting in.

I just want to say a quick thank you to all that made it to the bash we had here for Kim.  She was amazed at the amount of people that showed up.  I am so incredibly grateful to all of our friends who care so much about her that they would find the time to come out and celebrate her birthday and her new job.  She started by the way and I think she just may enjoy it.

Speaking of friends...I might have gone on about this in some of my earlier blogs, but I feel like I need to re-iterate a little.  There is nothing like cast mates.  I mean truly.  You get so close to people in shows, because you have to give yourself to them in order for them to trust you.  When I am on stage I have to know that my fellow cast members have my back and me theirs.  Well, the benefit to gaining that trust is close relationships.  Even if I haven't been in a show with that person for years I still hurt when they hurt, get angry at things that may happen to them and of course am ecstatic when good things happen.  I would do anything for my friends and when situations change for the worse I want to be there for them.  Now, I do not know if people feel the same way I do.  There are definitely actors I have been in shows with that don't care about me that way, but it's not the love you receive in this world that will make the difference it is the love you give.  To all of you (and you know who you are) I love you.  My friends are my life and I am here for you no matter what.  I wish I had more contact with a bunch of you, but know that if you need someone from the infinitesimal amount to the extreme I will try my damnedest to give everything I can.  Okay enough of the soap box.

Yesterday was a tough day.  It was Jamali's Birthday and the first one I celebrated without her here on earth.  It was kind of interesting, she brought something out in me I just didn't know was there.  I never thought that I could be connected to a presence as I am to her.  I grabbed a picture, her ashes and lit a candle and just stared and thought about her for a long while.  She had more of an effect on me than a lot of humans.  Well, I gave a treat to my cats, 9 lives wet food...yeah they love it.  And then I found myself pulling out paper plates and putting down wet food for the feral cats we have in the backyard.  I wasn't even thinking, I just started doing it.  It was like I was on autopilot giving tribute to Jamali by giving everyone food she loved.  Then of course we treated ourselves to Kentucky Fried Chicken which of course, she loved.  She used to sit in back of us just waiting for us to tear off pieces of chicken and hand it to her.  She could smell it as soon as it was brought home.  So now, two days a year we make it a point to have KFC.  September 21st, her birthday, and April 20th the day she passed.  If you ever would like to share these days with us, everyone is welcome.  Just let us know so we know how much to pick up.

Mogwai and Mogley are doing great and Mika is having the time of her life with the boys.  She still complains a little but deep down I think she likes them both.  Mogwai is actually starting to channel Mali I think.  He just has some quirks where he acts extremely similar to her at that age.  Maybe there is something to this reincarnation.  I mean he was born on April 19th and she passed just after midnight of the 20th.  Hmmmm.  Or maybe I am just imagining it.

So, that is about it.  If anyone has a performance project they need help on let me know I need something soon.  The Jocker has not started yet due to some space issues and I screwed myself by not going to auditions because I thought that the minute I found something rehearsals would start.  Well, now I guess I have to take my chances because I really need something.

Love, health, happiness and Success!!!

"In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right." -Jack Nicholson

Well, once again it has been an eternity since I publically blogged.  Crazy, right?  So, all of you know me, this is probably going to be long.  Grab a cup o' joe or a coke and smile and sit back for another rant from your favorite friend. 

Cabaret went extremely well.  It was the first time actually finishing a project with CWP and while I was not a fan, I will say this; it was extremely easy working for them.  Everyone in the crew made everything so comfortable and the cast was so easy to work with that I would definitely consider working with them again.  It was a first for a few things for me.  The first time working for this company, the first time with a lead in a musical and the first time with a solo in a musical and wouldn't a know it the first time I was in a show where every seat of every show was sold out, INCLUDING the preview and the extra show put on the schedule with very little marketing.  The show wasn't for everyone and I have to say if you are theatre educated then you might have found some things that were a little disappointing, but the fact is, the show was extremely successful for CWP and some audience members came back 2 and 3 times.  After every show there is a requirement for the cast; they have to stand in a receiving line.  Anyone that has worked with me, knows, I hate this.  I cannot stand meet and greets.  I feel like I am begging for an accolade, but if it is a requirement then I do it and I say my thank yous.  It is interesting - the people that came by had one of three reactions; "nice job" with a very insincere smile on their face; they would pass right by or they would look me in the eyes and tell me with the most sincere look on there face "You were amazing!"  No, this did not come from my friends.  Most of my friends said; "nice job: with a subtext meaning "I talk to you about this later."  Of which I would get the real story.  Which I appreciate more than you know, to those of you that did this for me.  I crave direct and honest feedback.  I would rather you give me the truth so I can learn rather than give me the old "nice job" and blow me off.  I love performing, but I know that I am, by far, not the best performer anywhere, but I strive to be so.  In my earlier blogs you will see me tell you time and time again, I am the Pete Rose of acting.  Pete Rose did not have a single athletic bone in his body, but by sheer determination and work he became on of the best athletes in baseball.  I am not naturally gifted, but I am willing to put in the work.  Another epiphany I had while performing in this show, it doesn't matter anymore to me whether I get paid or not, I just want to perform and yes there are other factors beyond the show.  The part, the cast and now how far is it to rehearsals.  Gas prices...crazy?  Anyway...that's my story and I am sticking to it.

Speaking of roles...I do have a new project coming up called The Jocker with Gypsy Productions.  I have read this script a few times now and it is absolutely amazing.  It is based on Hobos in the 1930s and the traveling and relationships they had with each other.  This show has everything, a great story, violence, intrigue, crime and sex.  It is extremely "R" rated, but nonetheless and amazing script.  Once a space is locked down I will give everyone the details.  Yes, unfortunately Gypsy lost their space because Home Depot came in and bought it up, but from my understanding there are several options that are in the works.

Now for some shows I got to see. Midsummer Nights Dream at Eight O'clock staring my friend Kelly as Hermia.  This is probably one of my all time favorite Shakespeare comedies.  It was done extremely well.  Yes, there were a few things as a director I did not care for, but on the whole it was wonderfully done.   The colors, the costumes, the set were all beautiful.  Most of the actors had terrific command of the language which is very impressive in a community based show, but of course this is Eight O'clock so I have come to expect a little more from them due to Six Guns, Into the Woods, and Urinetown.  It was a wonderful production and if it wasn't the last weekend that we saw it I would've made a point to see it again.  If you missed Kelly's performance then you really missed something special.  She was, by far, one of the strongest actors up there and so beautiful to watch. Even if I didn't know her as well as I do, I would've kept wanting to see more of her up there.  Kelly, next time you do this show, I want you to play Titania...ok?  That part was written for you.

Next was a couple of nights ago I saw, The Mystery of Irma Vepp.  90 minutes of pure enjoyment.  Two of my favorite people, Derrick Baxter and Larry Buzzeo, playing 3-4 characters each with rapid changes including genders, were the funniest performances I have seen here in Tampa Bay.  I thought I was going to fall off the chair and Jorge, my date for the evening, did I think, a few times.  The costumes, the set, the lights were perfect and their characters were specific and drastically different which is an extremely difficult undertaking being that they were switching from character to character every 30 seconds in some scenes.  It was just an amazing show.  I wish I could've gone earlier in the run so I could've seen it more than once. 

On to the movies.  Quickly let me just run down the list of 3 that I have.  Harry Potter, The Order of the Phoenix - WOW!  Amazing cinematography and the story just keeps getting better.  This one was so good; I actually started reading the books.  I am on Prisoner of Azkaban now and there is so much more in the books.  I cannot wait to find out what I missed.  If you are a Harry Potter fan than this movie will not disappoint you one bit.  Next, Hairspray - if you are a fan of classic musicals, then this was amazing.  Every voice was brilliant and no matter what the critics say, John Travolta was wonderful as a woman.  Yes, it could've done without the character being played in drag, but he was a lot of fun to watch.  Christopher Walken was wonderful and he sang and wasn't half bad.  He definitely didn't detract at all.  James Marsdon - all I can say is, WOW!  Who the &*^% knew he could sing like that?  It was just an absolutely wonderful musical movie. It makes me want to see the stage show that much more.  Congrats to Nikki Blonsky.  This is a long way from scooping ice cream a year ago and she was amazing.

On the other side of my brain, my job is going well.  I am not happy with the choice my new boss, but we are slowly working it out.  He just doesn't listen to me and is totally threatened by the fact I ran the project by myself for eight weeks, with doing my job, and someone else's.  I am a little peeved, but I am slowly learning how to handle him.  The good news is:  I am being sent back to the Washington DC area for my certification in Project Management...YEAH BABY!!!  If I can buckle down and get the cert it means a huge raise and a ton of opportunity.  Being back in DC means I get the opportunity to see a lot of my friends that I have missed so much.  So, to all of you back in DC, keep the week of the August 6 through the 11th open and let's get together.  I miss you guys...and dolls.  I'll be staying at some Best Western in Tysons Corner so drop me a line.

Just an update:  The cats are doing well.  The plan worked.  Mika got Mogley and became happier just to have another cat in the house, even though she kind of just ignores him.  Mogley just wanted to play and Mika didn't so we ended up getting Mogwai and he is doing the trick.  Mogley is loving having a live toy to play with and wouldn't you know it, Mika is awake more often now because she is now amused with both of them.  Once in a while I even catch her off guard playing with both of them, but SHHH don't say anything because I don't think she want me to know.

Well, that should do it for this round.  I do have some thoughts I need to put down a little later so stay tuned.

Love, Life, Happiness and Success!!!

"The minute I start to talk about acting, I realize that I can't. You know, it's an abstract thing, a little bit mysterious even if you do it for a living." - Christopher Walken

I looked at my last blog and I didn't even realize I haven't written anything in over a month.  I keep having ideas and wanting to sit down and write but work and the show are taking up too much of my mind.  I guess it is ok, to be consumed by something, as long it is something that is worth being consumed for.

 In my case, work is, well, work.  Something to pay the bills.  Unfortunately, it is not my passion, but once I get there I enjoy the challenge, not necessarily the work.  I have been putting in a lot of hours, 10, 11 and 12 hour days.  What is funny is that usually I would think I would be wasting a little time during the day, but I am not; there is truly enough work to keep me going forever.  We finally got a new boss last week.  When I interviewed him I thought he was a pretty good candidate, but now that he is here, well I think otherwise.  When I got into this position I was completely confident I could take on this job, but I still sat back and figured out how things worked.  This new guy is coming in with guns-a-blazing, ready to change things.  I hope he doesn't get himself into trouble.  He is a good guy, I just hope he lasts. 

Cabaret is going well.  We go into hell week next week, and I really think the show is going to be a lot of fun.  A little dark in places but yet a lot of fun.  The cast is getting tighter as the rehearsals become more frequent, so that always makes things easier.  I do feel like a bit of mentor out there.  I am not trying to be.  I just see things and I want to make them better, so sometimes I give my unsolicited advice.  I am not sure if people take it to heart or not, I just hope I am not insulting anyone.  I have been around the theatre for going on 24 years now.  I think my experience warrants little unsolicited editorials now and then.

I have two huge auditions coming up next week.  One singing and one straight.  Both of them professional and paying very well.  I am not going to spoil it by telling you what they are, just wish me luck because this could be a great opportunity.

Speaking of performances, I saw some great ones over the last month.  It started with Two Spoons at Gypsy.  It was the last performance at the Suncoast and did they go out with a bang.  It is an original work and it was amazing.  Narrated by both of the main characters acting out their own flashbacks,.  A gay couple with an adopted son, that experiences a three-some and the ramifications it caused on their relationship.  It was really wonderful and totally worth it.  The sad part was Gypsy losing the space at the Suncoast because Home Depot bought the resort.  Now they are scrambling for a space.  I know the guys will survive; the work is way too good to be without it in this area.

Next, was Urinetown at Eight O'clock.  All I can say is WOW!!!  That company just does the most professional and quality shows anywhere.  I have attended shows; at the TBPAC, Golden Apple, Studio and Eight O’clock is Community theatre and stands up to all of them.  I was totally impressed.  The cast members I knew all said the set came from a junk yard, well you couldn't tell.  It looked more professional then some of the sets I have seen on Broadway.  The performances were A+, and I am not saying that because I knew most of them, they truly were quality.  No show is perfect, but this one came close.

If you like to laugh, I recommend going to the flicks and seeing Knocked Up.  My cheeks cramped up from smiling so long and laughing so hard.  Seth Rogan (40 Year-old Virgin) is hilarious and as his first lead role he was great.  He and Katherine Heigl (Grey's Anatomy) have a wonderful chemistry and she is really not hard to look at, at all. It really tells the story of an unplanned pregnancy from both sides.  I thought it was going to be a chick-flick when I saw the ads but it is definitely not.  Let me just say go see it, it will be totally worth your time.

So that's about it.  My life is work and rehearsal right now.  Some friends have moved on to bigger and better things and I wish them all the luck in the world and I pray they do not lose touch. (They better not, or there is going to be trouble - Do you hear me Sammy? Leah?)

Love, health, happiness and Success

"In my career, there have been three things that were challenging: playing gay; playing a Jewish woman; and playing Chekhov. The scariest part was playing Chekhov!" - Bernadette Peters

The last couple of weeks have been charged with new experiences.  If you know me, then you know, that is my drug of choice.  New experiences, whether it be pleasant or not, allow me to feel alive.

My bulletins and invites were read by most of you, so my first solo performance was not a secret. All I can say is what a rush!!  I was lucky enough to speak with Jorge Acosta on Tuesday, before the recital and he gave me some great advice.  "Just enjoy that moment" he said.  When I stood up on the stage, and looked over the audience that is what was ringing in my head.  I started with "The Kid Inside" from Is there Life after High School . I was able to really take the words to heart and actually remember my own life during high school and funnel it into the song.  It helped that I really love that song and I do connect with it.  I ended with "Mister Cellophane" from Chicago.  That song is just a lot of fun and it is completely in the middle of my range. I knocked it out of the park.  I think I am ready for the next step.  I need to address my weaknesses, like sight reading and picking songs that are good for me range wise, but I would like to enter the world of soloist performance.  Just a side note, the week prior to the performance I had all but lost my voice, and Blake was really concerned when I showed up for my lesson the day before the recital and was obviously having problems, but a little TLC with my voice on Friday and Saturday and I was able to harness enough of my voice to really have a great performance.  I am not trying to be conceited, but when you are proud of yourself you need to let the world know.  Solo singing was a weakness I had, now I think I have added a level of confidence to start removing that weakness from my performance anxieties.

The following day, I played my first round of paint ball with Steve and some new friends.  All I can say, is WHAT A BLAST!! Yeah, don't get me wrong, the first time I was pelted by Charles, I was stunned at how much it stings, but you get used to it.  It only stings for a second and then it goes away.  Of course I was still left with some welts, but they go away as well.  I was amazed that after a couple of games my Basic Training came back to me.  We were playing a game of Attack and Defend.  One team defends a castle while the other tries to get in the front door.  Well, my whole team went straight up the middle and starting getting pecked off one by one.  Well, I low crawled and combat rolled all the way to where I was about 30 feet from my objective before my whole team was picked off and the other team finally realized where I was and I got pinned down inside of an obstacle and time ran out.  It was a complete personal victory for me, because I never got to use that kind of training while I was in the military, because I was a computer nerd.  It paid off.  I am no Rambo, but I was able to do my fair share of damage while I was out there.

Work has been incredibly busy and stressful.  I have been doing the job of four people so I could really stay at work for 12 hours no problem, and I put in 52 hours in one week due to the work load.  Oh, and I finally became a Northrop Grumman employee instead of a sub contractor, so I have been allowed access to confidential info finally.  I just do not want work to consume me, because it will if I let it.  I realize I do enjoy what I do.  I enjoy the challenges of creating and releasing new software on a large scale.  I enjoy making sure tasks are completed and my team is taken care of.  So, as much as I complain about having a day job, there are advantages.  The money isn't bad that's for sure.  Of course isn't it just great that my agents have been calling non-stop this week wanting me for direct bookings (no auditions).  Isn't that just ironic?  Oh well, S**t happens I guess.

I picked up Mali's ashes a couple of weeks ago.  It was really hard going back into that hospital where she died.  I welled up with tears again not wanting to even think about it, but it was closure to an episode in my life: the first death of someone very close to me.  I am still grieving inside, but I know she is in a better place and I will see her again on the other side.

On that note:  I adopted another cat this week.  His name is Mogley.  Well, that's not what the adoption agency called him, but that name, Gargaleow, just does not fit him at all.  He is one and a half and thinks he is a dog. Seriously!!  Check out my videos and you will see him play fetch.  He is lovable and verbal and just loves to play.  Of course Mka is not very happy right now, but either was Mali when Mika came into the family.  She will get used to him and hopefully start playing with him as well.   Here take a look isn't he cute?

April came back for a visit.  She looks amazing, so as unfortunate as it is, Portland is agreeing with her and she seems to just love it.  I guess the old saying is true, if you love someone you have to let them go.  Well, I think she is loved very much by a lot of the fiddler family, so we are sad she is not here with us, but we are happy that she has a found a place she calls home.  We had a great dinner for her here at the house and a lot of people came out to see her.  It was a blast to have the whole gang here and I think April really appreciated it.  Here is a couple of pics from that evening.  Yes, they are all in my shower..LOL

Cabaret is getting better and better.  We have had some obstacles with cast members leaving, but it seems to be cruising along.  It does not open until the end of June so we have a ways to go, but I think it might turn out really great.  Obviously with Wendy's talent, she is an amazing Sally and the rest of the cast is extremely talented.  I am really excited about the show; I just wish we could go into production already.  Long rehearsal periods are not my favorite thing in the world.   Watch out for it, I think you will enjoy it.

On a final note, Leah left yesterday and Sammy is getting ready to leave for Texas to entertain a contract with a theatre.  These two people of which I have not known for long, are two of most pure hearts I have ever known.  They both truly deserve this opportunity and I wish them the best of luck and I hope to be able to come out and see them.  Break legs guys and KICK SOME ASS!!  I love you both.

Love, peace, health, happiness and Success!!! - Brad 

Tis' the end of another show.  "Annie Get Your Gun", was an amazing experience.  It looked at times that we were not going to pull it off, but by the sure fire will of the director, the production team and the cast we did it.  I have to say we did a great show and the audiences looked as though they had a wonderful time, which in the end, is all that matters.

I was on stage today, watching the awesome duo of "Keeler......and Tate"(Titone and Rodriguez) perform "I Hope" and a cast member pointed out an older gentlemen sitting in the front row.  He was grinning ear to ear he just looked like he was having the most amazing time.  It hit me right there, or I should say it reminded me why I love to do it.  It was his reaction, his enjoyment of watching and escaping even for just a couple of hours.  I was just lucky enough to be a part of it.  It really just doesn't matter anymore.  The notes in the middle of the show, the stage manager screaming, the other cast memebers complaining about this, that or whatever.  Sure it is all going to happen, but it just doesn't matter, it's him.  It's that one person we touch in the audience that either is moved emotionally or just has the ability to escape and have a great time for those couple of hours.

Thank you to everyone in the cast.  You are all professionals and I would love to work with any one of you again.

Love, Health, Happiness and Success to all.

"From the start it has been the theatre's business to entertain people ... it needs no other passport than fun." - BERTOLT BRECHT

I usually pride myself on my ability to deal with stress.  Not that I do not stress, but my ability to compartmentalize and use it to my advantage.  Lately, I am having a hard time dealing with it all.  My new job, Mali's death, the show, the upcoming shows, my personality inadequacies, financial obligations, etcetera, etcetera.  How is it that all of the sudden my emotions are not in check?  They are always controlled and only used at my disposal.  Now, they are peaking at the most inopportune and unnecessary moments.  I was watching a ludicrous, mindless, teeny bopper movie, "The Ten Things I Hate About You" and all the sudden  I am overcome with emotions.  I am feeling Kat's pain and Cameron and Patrick's desperation.  What the hell?  After all I am a guy right?

I guess the question is actually rhetorical, because deep down I know what it is.  I picked up Mali's ashes yesterday.  I thought it would be very nonchalant, but it was a time portal back to the exam room.  Mali, sedated and lying in my arms wrapped in a towel.  The IV catheter hanging from her leg, nothing more than a skeleton and fur.  Looking down at her, knowing in the back of my head what I need to do.  Searching, my internal index of what little knowledge I have, for a creative way to conjure a miracle that will keep her with me just a couple more years.  Hugging her and crying more than I have in fifteen years wishing it was nine months earlier when we were playing with toys and she was chasing her sister through the house.  Suddenly, a remarkable thing happens, she wakes up and after fighting through the sedation and shaking the cobwebs she looks right up at me.  She stares right into my eyes and starts communicating with my soul. I know that look, I feel what she is feeling and I know what she is saying.  "I love you Dad, but I have to go, and I need your help."  The decision was easy, but the action was hard.  The doctor tells us it's two syringes, one to sedate her the second to stop her heart.  I look at her and know it is the right thing to do, but it is so hard.  She told me, she was done.  Done with the coughing, done with the weakness, and the dependence.  Done with how crappy she felt after chemo.  This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.  I hugged, her, kissed her and said goodbye all the way until she fell limp in my arms and the doctor says, "She's gone." Death.  I realize it is part of life, but it doesn't make it any easier.  Whether it is a close friend, a relative or a pet, it just is not easy to deal with.  I am finding it harder and harder all the time.

I want to thank all of you who sent heartfelt comments and sympathies for Mali.  It meant everything to me.  I love you all.

So, I go on.  Like life the show must also go on.  It doesn't stop because one of the cast members has a death in the family.  I do it to the best of my ability, trying desperately to use it as an escape even for just a couple of hours.  Unfortunately, things start to surface and lines are flubbed, dance steps are missed and I end up calling in my performance.  It's my biggest pet peeve about a performer and a huge disappointment to myself.  Not to mention when everyone whose opinion I actually care about is in the audience and it is being documented by cameras. 

In the meantime, revelations are being basically thrown in my face that my behavior for the most part can sometimes be considered inappropriate.  To this I usually disregard anyone's comment and just move on, saying it is just my personality.  My way of showing the people I care about that I am an open book and if I can say anything then you can too.  Do not choose your words around me, tell me whatever you want I will listen.  Unfortunately, I have come to realize the censuring my words might actually be a sign of respect.  As much as I have been determined to not grow up, to keep my inner child, I guess maybe it is time.  So, to all of you who have felt uncomfortable with my actions, I apologize whole-heartedly.  You may have taken it as an insult, but in my crude way it actually was a sign of love and endearment.  There is no one out there that I have contact with that I do not with the richest most positive life.  I only as that you give me the space to grow and find the perfect compromise between remaining as young as I can and the respect of an adult.

So enough of the self-actualization and mush.  The show must go on right?  Two more performances of Annie and onto Cabaret.

Love, health, happiness and success to all.

“Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But life looks different through everyone's eyes.”

Jamali Minus
September 21, 1991 - April 20, 2007

I love you Mali and I will miss you more than anything.

I learned a little about associations yesterday. I have been reading this book on a raw diet and the author basically went into the idea that are body does have the ability to get used to different things.  For example, when walking into a shower in the morning the temperature may not start as hot as you might like it.  By gradually increasing the temperature the body adjusts and to the hotter temperature.  The same goes for anything you might try.  For instance, changing the association from looking at the negative side of things to finding the positive.  For a while it will be extremely hard finding the positive in everything and remaining optimistic, but by doing it everyday with every situation, your associations change to a point where you never even think about it.  I guess I am going through an adjustment period.  It is hard, but I refuse to quit.  Same thing goes now for waking early enough to get to the gym.  It felt so much easier when I was in the military and I was thrown into the life of 0430 wakeups.  Sure it was tough at first and I had no choice, but within a couple of weeks, I was able to jump out of my rack and I was awake and ready to roll.  Now, it is not mandatory I get up, therefore I have to change my association of sleeping until 7:30 and feeling awake to waking up at 6 and feeling alert.  I just have to change my brain’s association an hour.  I know I am babbling, but that’s what this is for right?

I did get the part of Cliff in Cabaret, and yes I am extremely excited about it.  With Wendy playing Sally I will really have to step up to the plate and hope my voice will come with me.  I do not want to sound conceited, but I am pretty good, what I lack it a solo part to boost my confidence up.  Another association.  Unfortunately this time I know I need the experience in order to change that confidence association in my head.

Annie Get Your Gun is going really well.  Rehearsals are organized and we have most of the show blocked.  We have just a couple of dance rehearsals left and I believe we can start running the show.  The earlier the better as we learned from J&H the first time, where we didn’t run the show until tech week.  Not that it mattered because it still was a fabulous show.

Jamali

GREAT NEWS!!  Mali came back from the chemo yesterday and the oncologist said that the mass had stopped growing AND…it had shrunk a little.  The decision is to do three more treatments and check the tests again.  The chemotherapy she is on, can only be taken so much so the she really will not be able to use this treatment any more than three more times anyway, but if she is still improving she can move to another therapy.  Now if she will just gain some weight.  The doc prescribed her some drug that increases her appetite and it looks like it is working.  Hopefully she will have gained a pound or so by her next appointment.  The chemo really takes its toll on her, because yesterday she was really lethargic and all she wanted to do was sleep, but I was so ecstatic that her test results were good, that I didn’t worry all that much.

I decided it may be time to look for a new job.  Something totally different.  I am so bored being back in the corporate world.  I did not realize how much I enjoyed jumping from casting to casting and from project to project.  I guess I need something with a little more action.  Unfortunately, the more action the less money.  Any suggestions?

Love, peace, health and happiness to all.

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you.” – Anthony Robbins